I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
My life is pants optional.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
