so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
