im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
