Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
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