dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
