I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
