It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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