I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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