Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
