i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
