Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
