I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
