pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
