I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
