I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
i believe in u and ur pee
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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