mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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