it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
