he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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