my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
