do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
