So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
