he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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