Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
