based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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