Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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