There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
