You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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