Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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