Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
