I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
