i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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