Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
