Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
