I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
