I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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