Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
