i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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