Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
