My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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