your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
