She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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