So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Randomize
