Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
