he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
