i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
