i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
