Do you still have your period?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
