From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Watching her eat just hurts me
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
