last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
