OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
