i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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