His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
