You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
