Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
