We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
