I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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