why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
