How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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