so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
