so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
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Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
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Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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