I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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