There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
now i know why i became what i already was.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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