So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
