Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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