remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
false alarm. still invincible.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
