My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
