we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
