she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
