Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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