We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
